THE STRUGGLE IS REAL, AGAIN

In my quest to look slimmer and not so jiggly I recently purchased the Spanx version of a girdle.  Modern fashion has discovered spandex and it’s virtually everywhere.  The model I chose is actually a “panty” that reaches up to my bra line.  It’s purpose is to slim and trim and contain the jiggles in the torso area.  Alright, I’ll give this a go.

Now, it is easier said than done to get this thing up to the proper place.  Shades of the Miracle Suit come to mind, minus being wet.  I pull and tug and finally get it in place and lo and behold it’s a miracle.  Smoothness is achieved and my clothes slip on without a hitch or tug.

I am excited as I have a function to go to and want to look my best.  Just as I’m thinking this will solve so many of life’s problems, I open the car door and sit down.  The “panty” stretches with me and doesn’t bind or pinch , but . . . that wonderful band at the top is starting to slip down to my waist creating a strong, thick, rubber-band like constriction that is slicing me in two.  All I want to do is dig at it and get it away from my body but I am strapped in a car, going 65 down the highway and that doesn’t seem to be an option.

At my destination I slip into the powder room and place it back into position.  I exit and find my table and again, when I sit down, it rolls downward.  Back into the powder room and this time I tuck it under my bra.  This does the trick as it is now fastened securely under the strap.  All is fine and well until I realize I have much less room for stretching.  I am now firmed ensconced in a tube of Lycra that isn’t going to bend easily.

So, I stand for the rest of the event only sitting down to drive home; at which time the panty becomes loosened from its position underneath the bra strap and snaps down in a violent manner to rest at my waist.  I now have a tourniquet on.

When will I ever learn that spandex is not my friend and playing with it can cause physical distress, even pain.  I wish I had the body I had at twenty but, alas, I am not firm and trim.  Perhaps I should give up and let it all hang loose.  But no, I won’t give up.  I will continue looking for that perfect slimmer.  Yes, I’m an optimist.  Yes, I’m going to die trying.  No, I don’t want to be buried in one . . .thank you very much.