Dear Gentle Reader, (Yes, I’m plagiarizing from Bridgerton … move on)
You have not heard from me in many a fortnight, in reality over the last couple of years. Life has been filled with ups and downs, highs and lows, widening and narrowing, and most certainly every emotion in between. My muse has encouraged me many times to get back to writing, yet I just wasn’t ready. When I put my delicate fingers to the keys nothing appeared on the page. So there I would sit, fingers poised, ready to write paragraphs, phrases, words, even complete nonsense would do … but alas, nothing. So I put the musings of this magical mess aside and proceeded to navigate all the roads of life before me.
A year ago, the love of my life was diagnosed with a hip problem that necessitated a total replacement. That surgery would change his life back to being enjoyable and full. But the world wide plague named COVID shut down elective surgeries and his was postponed. And postponed and postponed and postponed.
I’ll keep this next part short as I could write a small book on the waiting, the delays and the pain. He finally was scheduled for surgery and two weeks before contracted three different infections that stopped any dreams of a new hip in its tracts. Now we had a new devil to deal with that consisted of multiple admissions to the hospital, stays at skilled nursing centers and a very stubborn hip surgeon that demanded Larry be able to come into his office for a pre-operative appointment before any surgery would be scheduled. Keep in mind that he was already in the hospital and the doctor could have categorized his surgery an emergency, but NOOO,
This Magical Mess kept things together fairly well and as time and hurdles whizzed by. she just kept swallowing her emotions, praying for guidance and relying on her friends and family for emotional support. Until last Friday night.
During my nightly call with TLOML (the love of my life), I found myself on the edge of a very tall emotional cliff. Teetering, shall we say, slowly back and forth. almost like swaying in a strong breeze. When suddenly the cliff gave way and I plummeted through the atmosphere of emotions. With TLOML listening to every sound I proceed to sob from the four corners of my heart. I hadn’t cried like that in years.
Then, in the blink of an eye, I was laughing hysterically, a bit like a maniac, whooping, giggling, heehawing until my abdomen hurt. Then back to sobbing, back to cackling, all the while trying to tell TLOML I was okay. On the other end of the phone, it was dead silence. Through our 41 years of marriage he has learned that indeed, silence is golden.
I found myself morphing from histrionics to having a complete conversation with myself, occasionally including Gary Cooper, my Labradoodle. (More about him in a later blog.) During all of this I discovered I was extremely hot and decided it would be a wise idea to completely disrobe and lie on the bed with no covers on, fanning myself like an Egyptian Goddess.
It was at this point I discovered I had split into two Magical Messes: the one on the bed pretending to be Cleopatra and the other one looking on with a mixture of amusement and worry. The second Magical Mess is credited with transcribing the following.
In case you’re wondering, TLOML would occasionally say my name, trying to elicit something sensible. My acknowledgement of him went something like this:
Him – Honey???
Me – I’m okay, just having a little episode. I’m very hot and I’ve decided to strip and lie on top of the covers. It’s very VERY hot in here. I should turn down the heat. maybe turn on the air conditioner. I might have to take a cool shower.
Him – Honey???
Me – It’s alright, I’ve found that if I just fan myself I’m okay. (Laughing hysterically), have you ever tried the lettuce wraps at P F Changs? They’re delicious. I would like to wrap myself in a lettuce leaf, it would be so cooling.
Him – Oh, boy, are you calming down? Are you Okay?
Me – I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. (Starting to cry) Do you remember when Joel’s rats died and we thought it would be nice to bury them in the backyard but then thought better of it because we didn’t want the dogs to dig them up and bring them back inside? That was so sad…
Him – Do I need to call someone and have them come over?
Me – No, good grief, I’m naked and hot and fanning myself on the bed. Do you really think I’m in any shape to entertain?
Him – It sounds like maybe you’re coming out of whatever break down you were having.
Me – Excuse me? What did you just say? Break down?
Him – Um, yes honey, you were acting very strangely.
Me – How strangely?
Him – Crying, laughing, talking to the dog, disrobing, repeat.
Me – Well, yes, I might have had a small fit but you weren’t here to see it. It really wasn’t so bad. And seriously I think I deserve a little leeway. All of this has been hard on you but it’s been hard on me too, just differently. And I always talk to the dog.
Him – Yes honey, you do. But you’ve never had an entire conversation with him where you’ve answered back pretending to be him and using a different voice.
Me – What’s your point?
Him – I’ve always thought of you as a piece of fine china. Maybe because of your pale skin and the fact you get your feelings hurt quite easily. I agree, you’ve been through all of this with me and I understand that sometimes when dropped, fine china shatters into pieces. I just hope I can help you put everything back together again.
And that is now TLOML talked himself out of an hour lecture, having to send flowers and the years and years of having this conversation brought up again and again.
magicalmess 