There lives in the land of Portland a cat named Mouse. He sports an orange tabby fur coat and eyes of green like the fields of Ireland. He lives the life of a prince. He considers his home his kingdom and rules with a ferociously loving paw.
His subjects include his human mother, father and sister, two cat siblings and a dog brother. All of which adore him and bathe him in affection. Most of the time.
It seems that Mouse can get a little too possessive and has been known to spray his loyal followers to make sure all inhabiting his kingdom are aware who belongs to whom. This is not a happy event as it carries an odor that befouls the air and has immense staying power.
As he is kicked out of his domain for this act, Mouse silently wonders, “What the heck? Why aren’t they grateful for this medal of odor? Don’t they understand the honor I am bestowing?”
Mouse has had his share of adventures and his share of mishaps. Take for instance his title of being neutered twice in his life. How can this be, you ask. Well, listen to this.
When Mouse was but a baby his first human father got custody of him. Knowing full well he needed to take care of certain appendages of Mouse’s, in order to have a more peaceful and kitten free environment, he took him to the Vet and asked for a “procedure.” Mouse was not too thrilled with this but being a kitten he took it in stride.
However, his father had been reading up on the psychological problems that can befall a male cat when his jewels are removed. It seems that said cat becomes very embarrassed by the lack thereof and somehow, (I don’t quite know how anyone knows this), is traumatized and is never the same. (Isn’t that what we’re hoping for; no tomcat shenanigans, no illegitimate offspring to suddenly spring up wanting child support, no howling toward the midnight moon?) But, in the world of cat whisperers I guess this is an accepted premise. Mouse’s former father bought right into this philosophy and so, along with the removing of the dangly parts, he ordered up a pair of implants. These are call Neuticles. (I kind of love that name.)
At one point he considered going up a size, but thought better of this. Not really knowing how big Mouse would get, he didn’t want to run the risk of over-sizing him and causing an unusual stride. In Mouse went and out he came looking none the different.
A couple of years later Mouse’s former dad could no longer care for him and that is how he came to live with his original mother’s family.
His was a life of ease and occasionally, during good weather, Mouse would take an expedition throughout his realm lasting several days. His winning personality and looks bought him welcoming visits with neighbors far and wide. But, at the end of his mini-vacations, he would take himself home to his adoring family and all would be right with his world. Not that his mom didn’t worry about him, especially on one such sojourn that lasted two weeks. She fretted, stewed and mourned his absence until one day there he was, back home again. But, he was missing something. Something that wasn’t the original equipment but had been with him since childhood. Yep, those implans were nowhere to be found.
Mouse’s story will always be shrouded in a little mystery, but here is what his mum has surmised. In certain neighborhoods in his realm of Portland, there exist a coalition of well meaning individuals who scoop up stray cats, have them neutered or spayed and place them back at the point of origin. Mouse must have been in one of their groups.
Can you image the surprise of the volunteer Vet when he lanced through the skin and finds … The Neuticle. A solid piece of silicone.
Recently his highness has had trouble peeing that has warranted more surgery in his nether regions. Poor Mouse. Now no neuticles and a shortened urethra. What is a royal cat to think?
Fortunately, Mouse’s rule is now undisturbed and he is back in the palace with his subjects, purring, kneading and being the most beloved of the land.
magicalmess 